Not Much of a Man by the Light of Day
by Duchess of Inkling
Summary: Snape has a dark, succulent secret. And you’ll never, ever guess what it is. Go on, have a peep inside. You know you’re just aching to find out. Have I roused your curiosity yet, or do you need further man-handling to be enticed to enter, dear reader?
1. Chapter 1: Everybody Knows, Except You

(A/N: Are you ready for it? Are you SURE you're ready for it? Have you put everything we need on the nightstand? Yes? Right, gentle reader, let me warm up my hands, and off we go!!)

**Chapter 1: Everybody Knows, Except You**

"Severus, Severus, it's alright, I know you're the Dark Lord's daughter!" Lucius panted, as he barged into Professor Snape's office at nine o' clock in the evening. Snape looked up from the essays he had been grading.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." He said, dipping his quill in his ink, "But I bid you to please stop wasting my time and get out of my office. I have work to do." He went back to scrawling a gargantuan 'T' on the essay.

"Yes, yes, I quite understand," Lucius said, trying to catch his breath, "You have to keep your disguise up, of course. But I was simply so shocked at the news that I _had_ to see you. " He winked at Snape. "Don't worry, though, your secret is safe with me." He backed up out of the office, a finger on his lips, and the door closed magically behind him.

'How very, very bizarre', Snape thought, gazing at the now closed door. 'Oh well, Lucius has probably found another bottle of absinthe in yet another secret drinks cabinet.' He shrugged, and went back to work. He had given out another four 'T's, when he heard a loud bonk against the window on his left. He got up to see what it was. It was a huge bat, bashing against the glass blindly, which he seemed to remember belonged to someone he knew, so he opened the window to let it in.

It collapsed in a leathery heap on the carpet, and he nudged it with his foot to see if it was carrying a message. Indeed, attached to its thin neck was a small scroll of parchment. He plucked it off the bat, then scooped up the animal and put it on his desk, trying to remember what type of bat this was and consequently, what its diet was. But that turned out to be wholly unnecessary, since the bat suddenly leapt up, and clamped its tiny jaws around his wrist.

Snape swore and waved his arm up and down, trying to get the animal off, but it wouldn't budge. "Aaargh! Get off me, you mangy....." he started, but the bat let go, licking drops of blood from its lips. "Go on, get out of here, before I bash your pathetic brains in." Snape snarled at the bat, which took off instantly, not even asking for a reply to the letter it had been carrying.

Snape wiped the blood from his arm, picked up said letter, and looked at the seal, but it did not appear to be from anyone he knew, so he just opened it. 'Dear Severus,' it said, 'Having just heard the news, I could not hesitate to send you my sincerest apologies for my former behaviour. Especially the way I attempted to get you sent into Azkaban to save myself. It has all become clear to me now, and I can only hope and pray that, in due time, you will be able to forgive me. Your humble and most obedient servant, Igor Karkaroff.'

'News?' Snape thought, 'what news? And what does it make clear?' His brow furrowed. 'The bastard tried to trade my name to the Wizengamot for his release!' He crumpled up the letter, walked across his office to the fireplace, and threw it into the fire, where it vanished in a blaze of green sparks. He went back to his desk, deciding to pretend nothing had happened. He was just re-reading Hermione Granger's essay, trying to find as many tiny mistakes as he could, when there was again a loud banging against the window.

"Oh, for crying out loud...." He said, getting up to open the window, but realising in time that the window was still open from his last flying visitor. He peered up at it, and saw that a huge Oohoo owl was trying to get through the tiny dungeon window. "Get on with it, I haven't got all day." He said to the owl. "Fold up your wings and hop through the window." The owl seemed to glare at him for a moment, before doing as he suggested, and tumbling through the window.

It scrambled up, hooted, and flew up onto his desk, where it immediately started to eat Goyle Junior's essay. "Stop that." Snape said, swatting at the owl. "You'll get your food in a moment." He could feel the short fuse of his temper burning up, as he ripped the letter from the owl's leg and started to read.

'Dear Severus,

Having just heard the news, I decided that there was no time to waste and to write to you immediately. I understand everything now, and wish to apologise for when I tried to have them murder you because I thought you were a traitor. It was very foolish of me, and I should have been more considerate and wise.

In the most patient state of hoping for forgiveness, believe me to be

Your humble and obedient servant,

T. Nott.

Snape growled, as he crumpled up the letter and let it fall to the floor. "I don't know what he's talking about!" he said to the owl, which only responded by blinking its huge eyes slowly. "The bastard! Try to get me killed, indeed!!" He opened a drawer of his desk, took out some owl treats, threw them at the owls head, and slammed the drawer shut again. "What are you waiting for, get out of here and leave me be!" he snarled at the owl, which stuffed its beak with treats before thinking it better to leave as quickly as possible.

"...Bloody letters....bloody news...." Snape grumbled to himself. "Stupid imbecilic......" Just then, a beautiful barn owl came swooping through the dungeon window, its short, rounded wings perfectly adapted to flying through small spaces. "Not again!" Snape said to the owl, as it landed on top of a stray potion's book on the right corner of his desk. "You're Rosier's owl, aren't you?" The owl hooted in response.

"Well, if it's another one of those letters about my "news" you can tell him to bugger off! Now go away." The owl hooted, sounding insulted (for an owl), and hopped up and down in agitation. "I'm not taking his damned letter! Go home!" The owl fluttered in surprise as another bird came flying in through the window. It was another barn owl, though a bit scruffy-looking, and it made a clumsy landing, skidding down the length of Snape's desk.

"And I'm not opening any letters from Goyle, either!" He told the new owl. "I can never make out what he writes anyway. In fact, I doubt he even can write. I suspect he just makes rows of wonky lines, like he did at Hogwarts." The owl made an odd noise, sticking out its leg at him, apparently oblivious to what Snape had just said.

Another owl, rather similar to the one that had just arrived, came bumbling in, hooting affectionately. "No, no, no!" Snape said, "No more letters! Not from Goyle, or Crabbe, or anyone! Get out, the lot of you!" He stood up and pushed the three owls off his desk. They flew around his office in confusion, while Snape walked towards his window. "_Accio owls_!" he said, and the three owls shrieked in panic as they shot through the air into his hands.

"Ha! Now get lost!" he said, pushing them out of the window one by one. Just outside his window, several more owls were hovering, but he slammed the window shut behind Rosier's owl, and locked it with a spell. "Good riddance." He said to the owls outside, all of whom were screeching indignantly.

'Finally, some rest,' he thought, as he settled back down in his chair. 'What a load of nonsense. "News", honestly.... don't they have anything better to do than writing completely incoherent letters to me?' He shrugged, ignoring the noises outside, and went back to grading essays, quite looking forward to his nightly sneaking around the school hallways, and sincerely hoping that it would be entirely owl-free.

(A/N: Well, there we are. I hope your thirst for the answer to this Riddle (I am so clever with my puns) has only grown, gentle readers, for things shall grow and grow.... and turn into something even more complicated. Oh yes. And Chapter Two is coming soon, gentle readers, so be sure to keep that mouth of yours wide open and ready for more!


	2. Chapter 2: It Must Be Really Frightful T...

(A/N: Dear readers! Thank you for your bountiful reviews. To answer a great many questions; No, Snape's secret has hardly anything to do with crossdressing. Actually, it was already revealed in the last chapter. The title was just the metaphorical honey to catch the metaphorical flies, the flies being you, gentle readers. But things shall be further revealed, dear readers, so read on, and review on!)

**Chapter 2: It Must be Really Frightful To Attract Publicity**

The next morning, Snape swept into the Great Hall for breakfast as usual, glaring grumpily, as usual, and feeling more than slightly aggressive, as usual. He sat down, as usual, downed four cups of coffee in 2 minutes, as usual, and then started to attack his eggs Benedict and toast with marmalade, as usual. It was a perfectly usual morning, really.

Apart from the fact that everyone at the Staff table was staring at him.

He did not even notice this until he was wiping some escaped marmalade from his hands, and glaring at various people for good measure. "Minerva, stop staring at me." he said to Professor McGonagall, who was staring at him from the other end of the table. It was rather obvious, since she was leaning over the table, her eyes nearly popping out of her face.

He turned toward her, to give her some proper glaring, when he saw that all the other teachers on that side of the table were also staring at him. Including that slightly poncy fellow they had decided to hire for Defence Against the Dark Arts this year. He couldn't remember his name- all the poncy fellows they'd had as Defence Against the Dark Arts the past 15 years had looked alike to him.

He glared at them all, which was rather difficult. His eyes had not had to do this amount of shifting since Harry Potter's first year. It did not seem to help, though. Growling quietly to himself, he decided to try looking the other way. After all, the left side was the freakish side, and they were sure to be doing something other than looking at him. He shifted in his seat, leaning to the left, and something bumped against his shoulder. It was Flitwick, who was gazing at him steadily with those black beady eyes.

Next to him, Trelawny was also gazing at him, her enormous bulging eyes making him feel nauseous for some reason. 'I just can't win, can I,' Snape thought, and decided to stare ahead for a while. So that's what he did, his arms folded over his chest, his jaw clenched in irritation.

"Severus," he suddenly heard Flitwick say very softly in his ear. He started, and, reaching for his wand in a reflex, nearly knocked Flitwick off his seat.

"What do you think you're doing?" He hissed at the tiny professor. "What reason could you have to start whispering in my ear?"

"I just wanted to say......" Flitwick said, sounding as serious as one can in a squeaky falsetto, "that we _know_." Snape narrowed his eyes in suspicion. What did they know? What everybody appeared to know? That was so bleeding obvious to everyone except himself?? Was it about his past? About that one time he put.... He pushed that last thought out of the way quickly.

"Know what??" he snapped. To his disgust, Flitwick extended a wrinkly paw and patted him on the shoulder.

"It's okay," he said, "we know how important it is we keep this a secret." Snape pushed his hand off him.

"Well, you're doing a good job of showing it!" he snarled. "Looking at me like I am some sort of exotic animal on display. Honestly, could you possibly be more obvious??" He did not have a clue what he was talking about, but maybe it would help if he pretended that he did.

"You're right, you're right....." Flitwick said. "But, you must understand how awkward this is for all of us. I mean, you could not have expected us to not be surprised by it?" He was looking so repulsively earnest, that Snape could not stand it anymore.

He just stood up, gave Harry Potter a last glare, and stormed away, robes billowing impressively in his wake.

He was feeling rather out of sorts all day. At lunch everyone was still staring at him, and it was reminding him forcefully of various less than pleasant Death Eater meetings. Of course, he had children to vent his aggression on, but even that did not seem to lessen his growing feelings of impending DOOM. When he found McGonagall waiting outside his classroom after the last lesson of the day, it was the straw that would have broken any camel's back. However, Snape was no average camel, so he merely twitched, and said: "Why, hello Minerva. Can I help you?"

McGonagall gave him a look as though he was a small puppy with a horrible fatal disease, wringing her hands. "Well, Severus......" she started. "I know it must be really hard for you, pretending to be someone else. Not to mention taking that dreadful potion every day. I wanted to apologise for all the times I have been less than courteous to you, and for thinking that you were just a sadistic bastard who enjoyed ruining innocent lives. I know better now, and if you ever want to talk to someone....." She gave him an encouraging look, sighed, and wandered off.

Snape just stood there for a moment, thinking that he should ask Lucius if he had another three spare bottles of absinthe, because he really, badly needed them.

(A/N: In the next chapter, we are going to see The Trio in (bumbling) action. I'm sure you're all thrilled out of your seats already. You should be, you know. Harry Potter only appeared in one of my stories, and that was the one where Snape chases him around, barking. Anyway, it advances the plot, so you're going to have to read it anyway. Ha!)


	3. Chapter 3: Don't Judge A Book ByIits Cov...

(A/N: The not so long awaited Chapter Three. I sincerely hope characterisation works out in this one- my beta readers thought it was good, but since I am only mildly interested in these characters, writing them was rather hard. I also forgot to apologise for any oddness in characterisation of other characters, which was entirely on purpose, and meant to serve the comedic nature of the story. Anyway, read on.)

**Chapter 3: Don't Judge a Book by its Cover**

"Why are all the teachers looking at Snape like that?" Harry Potter said, buttering his toast. (A/N: heehee....I know who can butter _my_ toast....sorry. I'll get on with it.)

"Dunno, I don't see anything unusual about him," Ron answered. He looked intensely at Snape for a moment, before declaring: "No, still looks the same. Greasy, grumpy and ....and and.....er.....gregarious."

"Gregarious?" Hermione said, frowning at him. "I didn't know I'd ever used that word."

"You didn't, I learnt it from Percy." Ron said. "Dunno what it means, though. But Fred and George teased him about saying it for about a week, that's why I remember."

"He doesn't look any different to me either," Harry said, looking at Snape, who seemed to be having a conflict with Flitwick. "Eew, look, Flitwick's touching him. Must be something really bad if he's willing to do that." Hermione turned to look, brows knitted as she started to think.

"Maybe his mum died." Ron said, airily. "Maybe his favourite animal in a jar died. Or maybe," he waved a finger, "they've just found out he's Voldemort's daughter."

"Don't be silly, Ron." Hermione said, "It's obviously really bad, poor Snape..." The two boys looked at her as though she had just confessed to being Voldemort's daughter.....er, as though she had completely lost her mind.

"Poor Snape??" Ron said, astounded. "Is that the same Snape we're talking about? The same Snape who...." But he was interrupted by Snape standing up from the staff table, glaring at Harry and storming off.

"That was odd," Harry said. "Especially the way he was looking at me, like it's my fault." Ron snorted, going back to his fried egg.

"Everything's your fault in _his_ mind." He said.

----------

They were just on their way back from care of Magical Creatures, when Harry saw Draco Malfoy whispering conspiringly to Evan Rosier. Thinking he'd better investigate, he approached them from behind and hid behind a close by tree.

"Yes, my father heard about it yesterday too.....apparently Pettigrew let it slip between the dessert and cheese. They hadn't wanted to give him any booze, because he carries it so badly, but he wouldn't take no for an answer, and there wasn't anything they could do, so he got deliriously drunk and became a bit too talkative. Of course there were only our two families, but this morning I found out Crabbe and Goyle also seemed to know. And did you see those idiot professors at the breakfast table? Goggling at him like he had two heads, god, they have no brains, the entire school will be wondering what the matter is with Snape now. Well, the intelligent ones, anyway...... Do you reckon we should tell him?" Draco said, in a very low voice.

"Don't know.... I don't expect he'll like it. Imagine how the Griffyndors will react when they find out he's Voldemort's daughter." Rosier answered. Harry's jaw dropped. Could it be true?? It was just too absurd to believe. In a sort of stupor, he backed away from the tree, and walked on to the Great Hall, where he joined Ron and Hermione at the Griffyndor table.

"Gosh, Harry, you look very pale. Are you feeling okay?" Hermione said. Harry sank down in his seat, his brains still refusing to accept what he had just heard.

"Yes....er, no......er......" He said. He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes for a moment, trying to collect himself.

"Is your scar hurting again?" Ron tried. "What's happened?" Harry put his glasses back on, and took a deep, cleansing, courage-inspiring, Gryffindor breath.

"I just heard Malfoy and Rosier discuss something really unsettling." He said. "They were talking about how, apparently, Pettigrew let something slip at a Death Eater meeting. He got a little too drunk, and told everyone that.......that.....that...." He let his voice drop to a whisper, "....that Snape is Voldemort's daughter." Ron and Hermione looked thunderstruck.

".......Voldemort's......daughter?" Hermione asked. "His _daughter_???" Harry nodded.

"Bloody hell." Ron said, eloquently summing up the mood. "But how....but why...." Harry shrugged.

"They didn't explain... but apparently the rumour spread quickly, because Crabbe and Goyle Senior already know, and it's obviously come to the ears of the teachers."

"He......er........she must have been taking polyjuice potion of the _real_ Severus Snape for ages." Hermione said.

"The real Severus Snape?" Ron looked extremely confused. Then his expression changed to disgusted. "Imagine having to swallow one of those greasy hairs every day...."

"But why?" Hermione continued, tapping her fingers on the table. "Voldemort would not hurt his own daughter. The Aurors would of course, but it would have been far easier to have disguised her as a normal wizard's child rather than an adult Death Eater, and far safer, too." She shook her head in confusion. "It's puzzling. And then there's the question of how she's been pulling it off all those years, having to function above her own level.... _Unless_.... she's older than the real Snape.....in which case he might have done it to keep her from dying......Aargh!" she ultimately cried, her hands now in her hair. "This is impossible. And why are the teachers so nice to her now they know?"

"I can't help you," Harry said. "It's completely puzzling." And they watched Snape as he fought off the expressions of sympathy of a rather physical Hagrid.

(A/N: Oh, the next chapter shall be something of a treat for you, gentle readers. If you are Hermione/Snape shippers, anyway, and if you are not, it will hopefully give you a hearty laugh. 'Til I feel you up again, The Duchess)


	4. Chapter 4: Voyeuristic Intentions

(A/N: An odd chapter indeed, gentle readers, but amusing, I thought. Again, any changes in characterisation are intentional and serve the comedic purpose.)

**Chapter 4: Voyeuristic Intentions**

"Where's Hermione?" Ron asked, as he joined Harry at the dinner table that night.

"Where she always goes when she needs to solve something." Harry answered, gazing at Snape, entranced. He just could not get over it.

"The library?" Ron asked. Harry nodded. "That's insane," Ron said, "what on earth is she going to find in the library on why Snape is really Voldemort's daughter?"

"Who's Voldemort's daughter?" Dean Thomas asked, looking shocked.

"Er, no-one!" Ron said hastily. "I meant er........Voldemort's caught her! Yeah." He looked very pleased with himself for coming up with that one.

"Caught who?" Seamus said. Harry groaned.

"Er........." Ron said. The two boys looked at him incredulously. "How about some help here, Harry?" he hissed at Harry.

"You said something about Snape, and then you said something about You-know-who's daughter. Which is funny, because I swear I heard McGonnagal tell Hagrid something about Snape and You-know-who's daughter just this morning when I was walking behind them to breakfast." Seamus said.

"Really?" Ron said, nervously.

"Yeah, really." Seamus said. "So if you know anything we don't, we'd like to hear about it too." Harry sighed. It wasn't like Snape had ever treated him half decently, Voldemort's daughter or not, but spreading the rumour would make the entire disguise, and all those years of keeping it up, superfluous.

"We don't know anything about it," he said, looking down at his plate. Seamus and Dean glared at him, and at Ron, who had turned slightly red in the face, before returning to their dinners, whispering to each other angrily.

"That was a close one." Ron said. "I don't want to know what would happen if we spread the news." He looked at Harry miserably. "What do we do now?"

"I suppose we should go to Dumbledore and ask him what to do. If he's willing to tell us anything." Harry said, stabbing his carrots. "Maybe it's better to go to McGonagall first. I just don't know what else to do."

"No, me neither..... and Hermione won't come up with anything soon, I think. We should go to McGonagall first, though, that's best. She seems to know a lot about the whole thing." Harry nodded. At this, silence fell, and instinctively they looked up at the staff table, to see that Snape had left early, again.

--------

When they had Potions the next day, Ron and Harry were already sitting at their seats, when Hermione finally came bursting in. She was looking rather strange; she seemed to be nervous, judging from the way she was clutching her bag, and seemed to be holding her breath. Snape, who was also out of sorts, opened his mouth to rebuke her, when Hermione walked up to his desk and started to talk very quickly.

"Professor, could I please have a word?" she said. Snape was looking at her like she had suggested something not only revoltingly indecent, but also impossible, but she gave him no time to speak. "I really very urgently needed to ask you something and it has to happen now and do you mind very terribly if I step behind your desk no you don't so I will" she was standing right next to him now, gazing at him....or rather, his body, ".....and I really need to ask it now because there will be no time for it later okay I'm done now and I'll go back to my seat and that was totally uncalled for, I know, and I am an obnoxious brat, and I'm sorry, please forgive me and I understand if you give me a month of detentions and 50 points from Gryffindor, but please, please not with Filch!" She drew a long breath, and hurried to her seat.

Snape, for once in his life, seemed too baffled to say anything. These had been the longest and oddest couple of days of his life, and by now he would not be surprised if he had finally lost his mind. Being visually molested by Hermione Granger was just about the last thing he had expected from insanity, though. So he glared at her for a moment, and calmly said: "Let's see...... 100 points from Gryffindor for inappropriate behaviour, and a month of detention with Filch. Though I suppose the fact that you have obviously completely lost your mind is punishment enough." And he sat down again, seemingly undisturbed by the whole episode.

------

"Hermione!" Ron hissed a while later. "What was that about?? It looked like you were ogling Snape, or something!"

"Well, I had to see if he's really a man...." Hermione said, "Because you see....." She looked up, as a threatening shadow fell over her desk. "Oh no." She said, as she looked up into the cold black eyes of Professor Snape.

-------------

By lunch, nearly everyone in their year had heard about it. Most were just giggling whenever they saw Hermione, but the Slytherins were gazing at the trio with a different expression. One of suspicion.

"Do you think they know we know?" Hermione said. "I admit it was slightly stupid of me to do that in public." Ron snorted.

"Ah, well, most people just think you're mental. And who cares about them," he jerked his head towards the Slytherin table, "they can't speak about it anyway, the rumour will be traced back to them." He shook his head. "This is a mess."

"Yes, it's about time we told McGonagall," Hermione said. She frowned miserably. "Before she hears about me and Professor Snape from someone else." Both Ron and Harry responded to that statement by turning a delicate shade of green.

(A/N: In Chapter Five, there shall be a great revelation. The world will change for the bizarre! Or will it? Oh, is that a canoe in your pocket, gentle reader, or are you just eager to find out? Hm, I hope the next chapter shall satisfy your curiosity.. and I have an idea it might.)


	5. Chapter 5: I Can Make You A Man

(A/N: Despite the impressions this chapter may make, it is not by far the last Chapter. Oh, no, gentle reader, this is going to be a long, long and very exhausting story, so just hold on, sit tight, and think of Blighty.)

**Chapter 5: I Can Make You a Man**

It was now 5 o clock, and Severus Snape had had enough. "I've had enough!" he said out loud to his empty classroom. And, putting his money where his mouth was, he stormed out of the classroom, slamming the door behind him, and stormed through the hallway to Dumbledore's office. "Rabid owls, rabid Lucius Malfoy, rabid Draco Malfoy, pestering colleagues, man-handling Hagrid, and, to top it all, being ogled by Hermione Granger!" he grumbled to himself as he practically flew through the corridors. He stopped abruptly when he noticed that he was already outside Dumbledore's office, having been so absorbed in how he was being mistreated, that he had not consciously seen any of the way he had come.

"Chocolate Frog," he said, and clambered up into the office. "Albus!" he cried as he entered. "We need to have a word." Dumbledore, who had been petting Fawkes, looked up, and Snape was loathe to note that his eyes began to twinkle wildly as soon as he had recognised him.

"Ah, Severus," he said, bumbling slowly back to his chair behind the desk. "You seem rather agitated. What is the matter?" Snape growled inwardly. The old fool knew, and yet he had the nerve to pretend he didn't.

"Actually, Albus," he said, "I was hoping you could enlighten me. You see, the fast few days rather unusual things have been happening."

"Oh, really?" Dumbledore said innocently, levitating a pot of tea over a few cups. "Tea?"

"Yes, thank you," Snape said. "Two lumps and cream, please." He was nearly angry with himself for taking this peace offering, but then, it was tea, and he could not resist. He sighed.

"Do sit down, Severus. You appear to have had a trying day." Dumbledore said, letting a tiny famille rose china milk jug hover in mid air.

"Thanks." Snape sat down, and picked up his cup of tea.

"Now, tell me all." Dumbledore said, leaning back in his chair, annoyingly smug.

"Well, two days ago, I was sitting in my study, quietly grading essays, when Lucius Malfoy burst in and told me I was the Dark Lord's daughter....." Snape started, and he told Dumbledore about all the odd and awful events of the past few days, not even omitting the Granger incident. "......and somehow I get the feeling that you know more about this than I do, so please, if you know anything, tell me." he finished, plonking lumps of sugar into his fifth cup of tea.

"Well, Severus........I certainly don't think I've ever seen a person consume so much tea in such a short period of time," Dumbledore said. "Except of course...." He chuckled to himself knowingly. Snape raised an eyebrow at this. "But I digress." Dumbledore continued. "Yes, I do know something about this.....shall we say, situation."

He paused for a moment, looking up at the ceiling. "I am going to tell you something that I should have told you a long time ago." he finally said, lowering his gaze to meet Snape's. "About forty years ago, before his physical transformation, Lord Voldemort begat a daughter with an English witch. She kept it a secret, and raised the daughter by herself, until she was grown up, and had to start her own life. She became an Auror, and a very good one, as well. Then, her father came to claim her, and drew her into his, then small and secret, organisation. This was around the same time that a young man called Severus Snape also joined."

Snape looked at Dumbledore, thoroughly confused. He clasped his cup of tea like it was a piece of driftwood and he was a sailor, lost at sea. Dumbledore raised his eyebrows at him amusedly, cleared his throat, and went on.

"They fell in love, and ultimately, as the organisation grew and became more and more powerful and also more and more violent, she confessed to him how much she abhorred her father's beliefs, his lust for power, and his lust for blood. The Death Eaters' practises were too much for her to stand, and she could feel her delicate, good mind and soul beginning to break under the strain. But she could not leave- her father would murder her, or do something even more atrocious. He would be too disappointed in her to let her live. Despite the fact that Severus' views were entirely different, his love for her was so strong that he was willing to sacrifice himself for her."

By this point, Snape was looking nearly physically ill. Dumbledore paused to take a sip of his tea, smiling benignly at the appropriately green-faced professor. "He suggested to her to trade bodies. He would willingly carry out her tasks, and she would be able to disappear from the Death Eaters organisation, being only a junior, and unimportant member. Of course, she at first refused, but he insisted, and in the end she agreed. I offered her a job at Hogwarts, where she would be relatively safe from her father, lest he find out. And so...... You are Voldemort's daughter, Severus." Dumbledore leant back in his chair again, looking at Snape expectantly.

"Aha." Snape said. "And why don't I remember any of this?"

"I modified both your memories, so that you could not betray each other." Dumbledore replied.

"And how did we trade bodies?" Snape inquired.

"Polyjuice potion. You're not a potions professor for nothing."

"Right." Snape said. He took one last sip from his tea, and glared at Dumbledore. "You do realise that everything you've just told me is a load of nonsense and entirely untrue?"

Dumbledore stared at him for a few seconds. "Well, yes." He said, then picked up a small, battered tin box and held it out to him. "..........lemon drop?"

(A/N: The answer to all your burning questions will come, my gentle readers, and all shall be revealed! And not only revealed, but also explained. Sort of. But before that, it must first complicate further. That is what happens in the next chapter, so stay where you are, because it will find you anyway, where-ever you may run)


	6. Chapter 6: Mastermind

(A/N: My dears, this story is slowly drawing to a close, and thus a lot of plot has to be gotten through in this chapter and, in a slightly smaller measure, the next, but if you can get your little brains round it all and pay attention, it shall all make sense. Or not. Anyway, a lot of –dull- plot and The Trio- blah- in this Chapter, but hopefully it's still entertaining.)

**Chapter 6: Mastermind**

"You know," Ron said, while the three were sitting in the Gryffindor common room, supposedly doing their homework, "you still haven't told me why you were actually staring at Snape like that." Hermione looked up from her Arithmancy essay.

"Oh," she said, distractedly, "Well, I have looked through _Moste Potente Potions_ again, and it said that Polyjuice potion cannot change the drinker's species or sex without serious complications. So, if Snape had really been a woman, he'd still be, wouldn't he?" Ron and Harry both pulled faces. "I just wanted to check, that's all." Hermione added, turning a tiny bit red.

"And?" Ron asked.

"And what?" Hermione said, returning to her essay.

"And, what do you think he is?"

"I think he's a man." Hermione said casually.

"So, why is everyone going on about him being Voldemort's daughter?" Harry said, ignoring Ron, who was acting like he was about to be sick.

"Well, I think it's a conspiracy. Obviously, Voldemort, or someone else in the Death Eaters circle, wants everyone to believe Snape is Voldemort's daughter." Hermione said. "And it's obviously not someone on the light side, because of how the rumour spread."

Ron nodded, his eyes narrowed in thought. "Why, though?" he said. "I don't see how everyone believing Snape is Voldemort's daughter is going to help them."

"No, well, we'll just have to find out, won't we?" Hermione said lightly, opening a book.

"Maybe they wanted a spy on Dumbledore and wanted to take away any suspicions the rest of the staff had about Snape," Harry said thoughtfully. "Because they've certainly been a lot more friendly since they found out."

"That's actually not that bad an explanation," Hermione said, putting down her quill. "But I can't imagine Dumbledore not knowing that it's fake."

"Well, maybe Voldemort underestimates Dumbledore," Harry said. "I mean, he doesn't know that much about him, does he? And he could always try, I suppose."

"You know, I think we ought to try and talk to Dumbledore about it." Hermione said. "But first, we have to finish our homework." And she went back to her essay. Harry and Ron frowned at each other.

"I don't know if it's going to be any use. Remember the last time we tried to talk to Dumbledore about Snape? He was in London!" Ron said.

"Yes, well, we were wrong that time, weren't we?" Hermione said briskly. Ron opened his mouth, but could not come up with anything to counter that, so he shut it again, and drew a few stars on his Astronomy chart.

"Well, I just want to find out what's going on," Harry said, "Snape is up to something, and I'd like to know what. We could at least ask Dumbledore what's going on."

"How are we going to say we found out about it?" said Hermione. "We can hardly admit to eavesdropping on Malfoy's conversation."

"Oh, I know!" Ron said, "Seamus told us he heard McGonagall say something to Hagrid about Snape being Voldemort's daughter, so we can say that we heard that and that we saw all the teachers act so strangely, and wondered what was going on."

"Why should Dumbledore confide in a couple of students about that, though?" Hermione said.

"Because.... it's bound to become a rumour otherwise?" Harry offered. "I've already heard several people talk about how odd the teachers are being." Hermione nodded, while she wrote the last sentence of her essay, and signed it.

"Alright then, I'll go talk to McGonagall about it and try to get her to take us to Dumbledore's office." She said, shutting her books.

"Why just you?" Ron protested.

"You two have to finish your Astronomy homework." Hermione said, and was off, leaving the two boys with their star charts.

-------------

"Mr Potter, Mr Weasley, come with me, please," McGonagall said, as she came into the Gryffindor common room. The rest of the students assembled there stared at them for a moment, obviously suspicious. The two looked at each other for a moment before clearing away the pack of Exploding Snap they'd been playing, and following McGonagall through the portrait and the hallways.

"Quite the amount of cheek you three have," She said, striding along, "spreading rumours like that. And listening to what teachers are saying. I've already taken five points for your behaviour, but, as I told Miss Granger, it's better if this is explained to you right now, before any other students find out." She gave them a stern look as they left the stairs and went into the hallway that led to Dumbledore's office.

"Five points?" whispered Ron to Harry, "For accidentally finding out the truth?" Harry was about to answer, but McGonagall turned her head and gave them another warning look, so he kept quiet. They could see Hermione waiting in front of the gargoyle statue, as they approached.

McGonagall stopped and turned to the statue, as Harry and Ron joined Hermione. Then she said 'Ton Tongue Toffee', and the statue slid away to reveal the stairway to Dumbledore's office.

Harry went in, feeling somewhat apprehensive, and also very curious. He really wanted to find out the truth, and he also kind of hoped it would be nasty, though he did not want to admit that to either Hermione or Dumbledore. He'd never trusted Snape, and then he would have been right all along. But on the other hand, he hoped it would not be _too_ nasty, or he'd have to start worrying about Voldemort. As he considered this, they arrived at the door to Dumbledore's office.

Harry put out his hand to knock, and noticed voices inside. Dumbledore apparently already had a visitor. "There's someone in there already," he said.

"Oh, well, if it's urgent, he'll tell us to wait," Hermione said, "and otherwise he might be talking to a painting." She reached out and knocked loudly on the door.

"Come in," came Dumbledore's voice from behind the door, and in they went.

A/N: In the next chapter: Harry and co meet Snape and a few other people, Hermione is wrong –gasp, shudder-, and everything is explained..... slightly. See you then.)


	7. Chapter 7: Friend or Foe?

(A/N: And so, my dears, another ending- this one hopefully more surprising, befuddling, and brain-melting than others. Oh yes, if you are expecting, gentle reader, that this chapter will provide answers and explanations, you are sadly mistaken- for your Author is a sadistic soul, who will leave no opportunity to mess you up and annoy you. Or at least, that is what she is telling you. It may, of course, not be the truth at all. But anyway, enough teasing, I shall leave you in peace to enjoy this Chapter the Last. Fare thee well, reader, and do not forget to read all the other nonsense I have written. Sincerely, The Duchess)

**Chapter 7: Friend Or Foe?**

Just as Snape was stirring his ninth cup of tea, there was a knock on the door of Dumbledore's office. "Come in," Dumbledore said, unwrapping a biscuit. Snape turned to see who it was when he heard the door creak open.

"Oh, just what I needed..." he muttered as he saw the trio walk in. "Potter," he sneered, by terms of greeting. Harry at him, so he gave him a glare and then turned back to his tea.

"Good afternoon," Dumbledore said. "have a biscuit." He held out a tin of biscuits. The three students crept forward past Snape, who glared at them, and each took a biscuit from the tin. They remained next to Dumbledore's desk, standing silently and motionlessly.

"I, er, I hope we're not disturbing," Hermione finally said, fumbling with her biscuit.

"Oh, no," Dumbledore replied serenely, ignoring Snape's meaningful stare. "Professor Snape and I were just having a friendly chat. What did you want to see me about?"

"Er, well," Harry said, "we have been hearing some rumours that we wanted to talk to you about."

"Rumours?" Dumbledore said. "What kind of rumours?"

"About......about....Professor Snape, sir." Hermione said, nervously.

"Oh, really?" Dumbledore said. "Well, I am sure that the professor will be kind enough to answer your questions." He leant back in his seat expectantly. Snape sat grumbling to himself, his fingers clenched tightly around his cup of tea, and Harry thought that he had never seen anyone who looked so unwilling to answer questions about himself. Nevertheless, with Dumbledore in the same room, he would be unable to do anything to them, so he felt brave enough to start.

"We were walking to breakfast, and then we overheard Professor McGonagall say something to Hagrid." Harry said, avoiding Snape's disgruntled stare. "About Professor Snape being.. being..... Voldemort's daughter." He paused, took a deep breath and continued: "And we also saw that the teachers were acting differently towards him, so we wondered if it was true."

A silence fell. Everyone was now looking at Snape, who did not want to answer that stupid question again, so he concentrated on his tea. After a few minutes and several coughing fits of Dumbledore, however, he started to get annoyed, and slammed down his cup on the desk. "Oh, alright," he snarled. "I'll answer." Dumbledore smiled a vague, amused smile, that made him want to do something rash to the old coot, but he suppressed his anger. "I'm not the Dark Lord's daughter." He said, turning to the trio, and then turned back to Dumbledore, whose eyes were now twinkling in that extremely irritating fashion.

"But we already knew he couldn't be...." Harry went on, uncertainly, and looked at Hermione, who continued.

"Yes, because I looked up Polyjuice potion, and it said that it could not change the drinker's sex." Hermione said nervously, turning slightly red. "So we wondered.....why?"

Snape glares at her and then snorted disdainfully. "Because you were wrong, Miss Granger. Polyjuice potion _can_ change the drinker's sex, as you would have known if you had bothered to check _the most recent_ sources." Hermione turned even redder, and Snape turned back to his tea, a satisfied smirk on his face. Dumbledore had stopped smiling, however, and waves a hand in the direction of the trio.

"Of course I trust you, Harry.... but I somehow get the feeling that you have heard this rumour from other sources." Dumbledore looked at Harry in a way that told him that Dumbledore knew they had not heard about it from McGonagall. Harry stood silent, trying to decide whether to tell or not. "If this is so, please tell us. We were just discussing the origins of this rumour, and would like to find out who started it at Hogwarts." Dumbledore added.

"Well....." Harry looked at Ron, who was looking scared, and at Hermione, who fidgeted, and sighed. "We did hear Draco Malfoy mention something about it to Evan Rosier." Snape turned around quickly at this, and fixed his eyes on Harry. "They said that they'd heard about it from their fathers." Harry did not know what else to tell, so he shut his mouth again and looked at Dumbledore.

"Lucius....." Snape murmured, followed by a series of aggressive sounds, none of which Harry could understand. Snape stood up, wrapping his robes around him. "Please excuse me, Headmaster, I have to call on someone." He nodded at Dumbledore, who smiled at him.

"Oh, why don't you just use my fireplace, Severus, it's much more convenient." He gestured towards his own fireplace, and handed Snape a small velvet bag of Floo powder. Snape looked less than pleased, but grabbed the tiny bag anyway, and strode towards the fireplace. He took a handful, launched it into the fire like a chess player who is a sore loser throws the chessboard, and snarled something to the flames. Within seconds, Lucius Malfoy's face appeared in the fire, his blonde hair reflecting the green flames blindingly.

"Hello Severus, what the devil......" Lucius looked around, recognised the environment, and then the other people in the room, and frowned. ".....are you doing flooing me from Dumbledore's office?" His light eyes, luminous green in the flames, flitted towards Harry, and narrowed in disgust. "And what is the good Mr Potter doing there? With his little _friends_?" He raised his eyebrows mockingly as his gaze slid over Hermione and Ron.

"Potter had some surprising news for me, Lucius," Snape said, giving Harry a dirty look, "that he heard from your son."

"Did he, now?" Lucius said, "I can't imagine it to have been anything interesting. I make it a point never to tell nor show the br....." he paused, reflected, and went on: "...... the bright young lad anything _important_." Snape, who appeared to understand what he meant by _important_, smirked.

'Well, apparently he got it into his head that I'm the Dark Lord's daughter." He said, lightly.

"Oh?" Lucius said, coughing embarrassedly, "I can't imagine where he ever got that idea."

Snape glared at him. "Well, ehm.... I'm afraid I'm rather busy, Severus, so let's talk about this some other time, hm?" Lucius said.

"Fine, Lucius. But please be so kind as to tell me who started the rumour. I somehow feel that you know said person." Snape said, raising his eyebrows.

"Oh, I'm afraid I don't know who started it, I just heard it in the street," Lucius said, airily. But he was making slight hinting movements with his eyes, and Snape, getting the point, took out his wand, and, with a long swish of it, created an area around them outside which, no-one could hear what they were saying. "There. Speak." He said.

Lucius' head cocked to one side, his brow furrowed. "It was Peter." He said. "You can find him at......" he whispered a few words to Snape, who nodded.

"Thank you," he said, and Lucius' face disappeared, while the flames returned to their normal colours. Snape took out his wand, grabbed another handful of powder, threw it carelessly into the fire, and after a while, Peter Pettigrew's face came searchingly into the flames. "Finite Incantatum," Snape muttered, and the spell around him lifted. He wanted Dumbledore at least, to hear what Pettigrew had to say.

"Pettigrew!" he heard Harry Potter whisper angrily, and then the voice of Dumbledore as it advised him to stay calm and not do anything. Snape snorted disdainfully. He hoped the little runt would be able to control himself for a few minutes, or this would never be sorted out.

"Hello, Severus!" Peter said, happily. "How are you?"

"Not very well, I'm afraid," Snape said.

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," Peter said, rubbing a hand over his face as though straightening whiskers that weren't there.

"Can you imagine why I'm not well, Peter?" Snape continued, gazing down at him.

"'Fraid not," Peter said. His eyes finally noticed the room Snape was in, and widened in fear when he saw Dumbledore, Harry, and the others. He let out a frightened squeak.

"Calm down," Snape snarled at him. "I'll let you go as soon as you clear up why you've been saying to everyone that I'm the Dark Lord's daughter!"

"You?" Peter said, looking at him in surprise. "Ha, no, _you're_ not the Dark Lord's daughter!"

Snape's dark eyes narrowed in dismay.

"If I'm not the Dark Lord's daughter, who is?" he hissed angrily.

"The other Severus Snape who lives at Hogwarts, of course!" Peter exclaimed.

"The _other_ Severus Snape?" Snape said, astonished.

Peter nodded. He looked around, and when his beady eyes had found Harry, he pointed a gnarled, clawed finger at him.

"Him!"

THE END 


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